Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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