I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
