is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
