OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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