He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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