Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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