I accidentally had phone sex last night
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
