the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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