whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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