Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
