dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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