Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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