clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
