Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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