Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
