her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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