You just made me feel so damn special
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
