just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
