As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
