i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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