she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
