Only a mothe r could love this liver
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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