Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
