he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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