I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
