Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
