Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
