its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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