don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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