His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
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Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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