apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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