My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
