I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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