Can i not drive my cunt home
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
