I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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