In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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