I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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