Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
