love makes seman taste better
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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