i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
