that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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