We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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