if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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