I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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