I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
