i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
