he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
