the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
