She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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