I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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