Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
