we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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