You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
