If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What a dumb baby whore.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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