I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
