A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
