everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
