I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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