My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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