what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
