Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
