I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
