fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
