Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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