well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
