Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
