Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
