i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize