wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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